I saw something from supernaturalsnark suggesting that you don’t have to look like someone you find very attractive to be incredibly attractive yourself. I may be slightly overstating what she said, in fact. But that’s not the point.

I am wondering how much you need to look like someone your lover finds incredibly attractive to look very attractive yourself. Not very much, I am hoping.

Because it was only last night, as I was watching the cricket, that the current Mrs Richmond leaned over my shoulder and said, “you know …. I could really do that guy”. She wasn’t talking about one of the players. She was talking about the commentator.

His name is Brendon Julian. He’s seems a nice enough sort of chap.

He used to be a cricketer, but he’s not anymore. I used to be a cricketer. I’m not anymore, either. He really wasn’t all that good. Neither was I.

So far, then … there’s nothing in it. He and I are virtually identical.

All right. I admit it. Statistically speaking he was better than me. Quite a bit better, perhaps.

But I don’t think Mrs Richmond cares much about cricket. I think she was thinking of something else.

Should I be concerned?

This topic popped into my feed from braveandreckless so I jotted a few heartfelt thoughts down in response.

As always, there is a risk that my contribution may come across as trite, but may I assure you all that it is, in no way, intended as disrespectful.

I will stop short of suggesting my effort is suitable for serious publication other than right here …. but I would encourage others to shoot something off to Christine at the Cafe in order to properly celebrate the reality of liberation and joy.

Girls like girls

just look at them talk

Girls like girls

just look at them walk

Girls like girls

so, Girl … go and get her

Girls like girls

‘cause they smell so much better

Girls are prettier

don’t you know?

Girls are superior

from head to toe

Girls are cleverer

just like your mother

So it’s no surprise

that girls like each other

Girls like girls

It’s a matter of taste

Girls like girls

and they’ve no time to waste

Girls are good company

Boys are such bores

Girls sometimes argue

But girls don’t start wars

Girls like girls

as someone to wed

Girls like girls

‘cause they’re better in bed

Girls like girls

I don’t want to be rude

But girls like girls

‘cause they look better nude

I have no issue with erotica. I am all for it, in fact. But the success of E.L. James I find to be inexplicable. So I thought I should have a go, from a slightly different angle – in the hope of becoming an overnight millionaire.

Actually I may have posted this silly poem before, in a slightly different form. I doubt that anyone would remember it but I would be awfully impressed by anyone who did …

Heads you win

Tails I lose

That’s the outcome

That we choose

Please tell me, Madam

Of your plans

Now that my life

Is in your hands

This slave to love

Can you not see?

Is your

Responsibility

My hands are tied

I will not move

So what do I

Have left to prove?

The light is fading

Shades of grey

What do I

Have left to say?

I’m suffocating

Out of breath

So give to you

This little death.

Over at Bipolar Whispers there is a challenge to name 10 good things about yourself. I was reluctant to take part – it is a very unAustralian thing to do. Boasting is a magnet for abuse and ridicule in this country.

Fortunately there are no things about me that I could consistently claim as being ‘good’ But I found some that might be described as ‘not utterly repugnant’, instead.

Here’s my blushing list ….

This was always going to be hard. Ten is quite a big number.

1. I don’t anger easily. Or should I say that there’s not much out there that gets me angry. This may be the manifestation of apathy. We just had a national election here. Every body got very excited and worked up about the potential and then the actual results. A lot of them got angry. I didn’t. I didn’t really care. This made other people even angrier.

2. I am physically unattractive. This is a community service. It helps other people feel good about themselves.

3. I am a chronic underachiever. Through life there have been quite a few things that I’ve been sort of good at but always fallen just short of getting anywhere with.This is another community service of mine – making others feel good about themselves. I can hear the joy in other’s voices when they tell their friends, “Hey! You see that guy over there. The fat one? That’s Brutus Richmond. He used to be pretty good at {insert former talent here} …. But look at him now!!!”

4. I can keep a secret. This is absolutely true. If a complete stranger confides in me and swears me to secrecy then I won’t even tell the police …… even when I discover that the person just robbed a bank. It’s a weird personal code of mine. If my confidante turned out to be a rapist or child molester then maybe I’d have to rethink things.

5. I can cook, a bit. And I really enjoy it. I will never be a professional chef but I do like preparing special meals for small groups. Ideally a group of two. The whole ‘candlelit dinner’ thing is a bit cliched but low lighting, soft unobtrusive music, really good wine and interesting food all makes for wonderful times. Right at this minute I’m thinking Italian.

Half way there!

6. I honestly don’t hold a grudge. People who have it in for me probably have a good reason to feel that way ….. and who am I to deny them the pleasure of letting all the negative vibes fester? But it doesn’t work the other way around. Several times in life people have been amazed when I have engaged them in conversation after something of a gap. “Oh,” they have said, “I never expected you to talk to me again in your life.” Most times I have no idea what they are on about (my memory is not good, to be fair).

That said – the whole notion of ‘not talking to somebody’ strikes me as utterly ridiculous and childish.

7. I have the heart of a boy. I am curious about things and I like to play as I did when I was in school. There are little games that I invented as a child to amuse myself that I still play today (when no-one is looking). The sight of beautiful women (and ALL women are beautiful) still increases my heart rate. I think the heart rate thing might even be getting worse, to be honest.

8. I am nostalgic. Is that a good thing? I see it as a sort of ‘arty’ thing, anyway. And if I say that I tend to see the past through rose coloured glasses then it’s because I believe it to be the most appropriate eyewear to use. You can look forward with them too.

I do have something of a yearning for the past (when those beautiful women mentioned above actually looked back) but I try to cut it short of melancholy.

9. I have been very lucky. I tend to find myself in the right place at the right time (when the right person is mysteriously unavailable) and so, professionally the world has been very kind to me and happy to overlook my glaring inadequacies.

Sometimes I find myself in the wrong place at the wrong time too, of course. But that normally leads to some sort of adventure. I’ve reached a stage when my time on this planet (looking forward) is not all that vital to me. So I am willing to take a few risks.

10. I am inconsistent. I am capable of enormous philosophical shifts in the blinking of an eye. I may well deny everything I have written above within a week. Is that a ‘good thing about me’? I think so. Otherwise I’d seem even more boring than I really am.