My Breath Smells like a Bad Back

Don’t ask me how this one came about, I’m not sure that I remember entirely. Meg and I were admiring someone else’s poetry and, for whatever reason, began to marvel at the idea of rhyming words with ‘cosmos’s’. Personally I think that it all depends on the pronunciation, but Meg reported back to me an hour or so later that the best words, in this regard, were halitosis, scoliosis, and osteoporosis according to her Dad (a man of letters) and from that notion she created a song idea with a working title of ‘My Spine is all messed up and I have bad breath.’

I gave that idea some thought and arrived at the following …. it’s all about the nature of inspiration, really


Halitosis, Scoliosis, fucking Osteoporosis

Now you’ve told me all about, it must be like osmosis

You’re stinking and I’m thinking maybe I am stinking too

I’m noxious, I’m obnoxious. Maybe I’m just like you

You’re walking like a cripple and you’re talking like the plague

My mood is sort of fickle, my understanding kind of vague

You don’t look too fantastic, like a spastic. Smelling worse

Now you’ve told me, you’ve involved me.You’ve given me the curse

You’re explanation, its damnation. I wish that you would quit

My back is out of whack, my breath it smells like shit


P.S. Those of you born around the middle of last century may recall that Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious would work quite well. As would precocious. It was difficult, in fact, to uncover words that Mary Poppins hadn’t already used. That’s my excuse.

11 thoughts on “My Breath Smells like a Bad Back

  1. HA HA HA H AH AH AH HA!! Oh my gosh, I’m printing this blog post for my dad!! I showed him the poem earlier, and he loved it!! Freakin’ hilarious!! You have no idea how much I hope the judges assign you comedy this upcoming weekend!! I’ll be bummed if they don’t!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. An oversight . Let me make it better for you …..

      Look into my eyes
      Let me give you my prognosis
      You are falling for my charms
      A victim of hypnosis
      Let me infect your lungs
      Just like tuberculosis
      I’m heading for your heart
      Your personal thrombosis.

      Liked by 3 people

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