On a rather more serious note ….
I have received a lot of correspondence of late encouraging me to look out for the welfare of others. I am not always good at doing this.
So RUOK?
I know that this day is mostly about mental health and I that is something that I take very seriously …… but what I have to say is not, strictly speaking, about mental health.
But RUOK? means RUOK?
And an article that I read this morning struck a chord and seemed worth repeating (in part).
I do have a lot of friends (don’t act all shocked please) and a lot of them are female and some of them find themselves in and out of relationships that are not always healthy.
The writer of this article points out the real dangers of these relationships without sugar coating them.
She has one key tip……..
If your new boyfriend is super-attentive and tells you about his previous “psycho” girlfriend, that’s a warning to get out as soon as possible. It’s a sign he doesn’t take responsibility for his actions when difficulties arise in a relationship.
She also lists a potential sequence of events …
- The perpetrator had a history of stalking or abuse in previous relationships. That holds true except for those in the dataset in first-time relationships.
- The relationship develops very quickly. He is looking for commitment and that really means, in his eyes, forever. God forbid you should want forever to end.
- He starts to exert controlling behaviours. Where are you? What are you doing? Who did you speak to today? Who are those text messages from?
- An event or discussion challenges his control. The woman may decide she wants to end the relationship or he experiences personal difficulties such as losing his job, causing an abrupt change in his circumstances.
- Escalation – he tries to reassert control by increasing the intensity or frequency of contact, stalking, or threatening suicide. It’s about getting “his woman” back and diminishing any challenge to his status.
- By now, the relationship is dangerous. If the woman is lucky, he leaves and she will then be his most recent “psycho” girlfriend. Or he might attempt to exact revenge. In the worst case, he starts considering murder as an option.
- Planning homicide – buying weapons, making opportunities to get the victim on her own.
- Homicide – which may not be limited to the woman but also her children.
Richmond Road 
Oh, yes, I’ve seen this. It’s definitely worth every female to read and watch for these signs. I dated a guy once who complained about how the cops came out to his house (where his then-GF was living with him as well) and asked all these nosy questions, like if his GF was able to leave if she wanted, if she was safe, etc. Then, he started asking me questions like, “You think it’s horrible to lie, right?”
And I couldn’t lie, so I said, “No, I think lying is often justified.”
He seemed horrified by this, so I continued. “Lying can be useful for self-protection or tact, for example. If your best friend’s about to get married and she asks if her wedding dress makes her look fat, you say, ‘No, you look great! The wedding march has started, go be beautiful.’ And that sort of thing.”
He was crushed, because he wanted me to be like, “Oh, yeah, lying is horrible,” so that he could proceed to catch me in a lie and call me out on it.
I’m super glad that guy’s gone from my life! It turns out he was a heroin addict, a racist, and a small-minded control freak. [Shakes my head.]
Your Santa story is on my agenda to read!!
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sadly this rings all too true pops, some men are mean bastards!
That control and manipulation are loud warning bells, get out quick ..
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Mrs Richmond was at the gym today. All the staff were wearing RUOK? tee-shirts. She said to her personal trainer, “Hey! Thanks for asking. I’m not feeling too bad today, but I felt really shitty on Tuesday.”
The reply she received was, “ The shirt is compulsory. But I’m not your fucking therapist.”
Oh, how I love this country.
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we can certainly cut the to chase … try looking different like me and it brings out the wrose side of people … I wrote more and then remembered you weren’t my therapist!
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Different? How ‘different’ do you look?
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double mastectomy, I was well endowed but the hospital will surely kill me, the tits didn’t, with the staph they so generously bestow if I bother with a rebuild!
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I have survived quite a few hospital stays (including a couple that I shouldn’t have) … so maybe you shouldn’t be so negative about the place. The tits didn’t kill you but, if not for the hospital, they might have.
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… I would never willingly have surgery unless it was life threatening .. I don’t breast feed and never been a porn star so WTF!
I never have to wear a bra again nor have a mammogram, there are too many positives.
Once belly is pushed up to form tits it becomes breast tissue and cancer often reoccurs. Too many with implants have been poisoned by the cheap fakes our govt buys … need any more reasons
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Um … no.
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some think I’m going for a gender change, odd when I wear skirts mostly .. others assume I’m a lesbian and it goes on and on … never acceptance!
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I have no idea what people assume of me. It’s a fair bet that very few recognise me as a lesbian. But everything else is probably on the table. I’d like to look ‘eccentric’, but I don’t.
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oh I fill that bill perfectly .. eccentric 🙂
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Really? I would be totally annoyed and pissed off if I got that kind of response. Perhaps this is why I’m not cut out for Australia..sometimes I find people there too blunt and rude.
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She has a fairly thick skin …. and, in truth, she was probably trying to get a reaction.
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“Potential sequence of events” also includes me slipping on a banana peel, breaking my neck, but still being able to get up and round-house kick my enemies.
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That’s the way to go!
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I would love if people wore the RUOK shirts and actually were genuinely interested in how others were doing I would most certainly wear a shirt like that with real interest in others, hearing their stories and actively listening with as much compassion as I could muster. I am sure there are others who would do the same too, I have to believe that others do actually give a shit. To think otherwise would be incredibly depressing.
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