The Wedding Speech

On By Richmond Road

As some of you may recall – I am in Alaska at present for the purposes of attending a wedding which will occur in a matter of hours from now.

I have been sitting this morning with the groom and best man attempting to come up with a suitable speech. The majority of attendees, we are assuming, will be Alaskans but there will be a strong contingent of Australians as well. The event is, after all, to some extent at least, to mark a union between the two cultures. The trick will be to come up with something that is sensitive to both but remains unashamedly Australian.

We have conducted extensive brainstorming and research. Most of the jokes have been, reluctantly, discarded.

In the end we have based something vaguely around the following (admittedly a 21st birthday speech and admittedly by a New Zealander).

What do you think?

15 thoughts on “The Wedding Speech”

  3. one crucial clue might be to speak slower and clearer or I doubt the majority will understand even a word … our accent plus speed of speech leave others thinking we are non-english speakers. I’ve just put up a garden shed, could be good content in that 😎

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  5. Glad to know you survived, and the wedding was a success. I agree, no one listens to wedding speeches, or remembers them after the fact, so this was probably a perfect speech, no matter what language it was in.

    They probabiy could have read the latin liturgy and no one would have noticed…=)

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  6. What do you think?

    I think, on the whole, without beating about the bush or saying anything unnecessarily, the meat of the matter is, I feel, probably something which other commenters here would concur with.

    In closing, I nearly spat out my coffee on the line:

    He was of course, er, a source, er, of enormous pride, er, to his enormous, er, to er, to his mother of course…

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    3. This one just popped up again and I feel obliged, at this present time, without further ado, to thank you for your, eh … succinct input which, I think, really puts the icing on the cake, absolutely regardless of the fact that the bride, as brides have the undeniable right to do, when, shall we say, ‘ever so slightly emotionally overcome’, fell face first into the cake during the speeches, and the icing, for the most part, was not enjoyed in quite the manner intended until Trev, waking up hungry on the first day of the rest of his life, picked it with meticulous love and care from her golden hair, and polished it off with a rum and coke before heading out to feed the pigs, lovingly spitting out the passionfruit seeds on the way.
      But, in closing, ….. and I’m sure you’re 100% behind me on this particular matter …. I’d like to, ever so briefly, whilst speaking of pigs, and without going into details which might perhaps be retrospectively described as comprehensive, detail what occurred some years earlier, during Trev’s formative years, after some sensitive educational instructions from both his mother and I on issues with regard to birds and bees – an analogy which Trev, quite understandably I suppose , chose to extend to include all farm animals and …. no ….

      actually I probably shouldn’t tell that story at this present time.

      Seriously – thank you for your comedic input. I should have acknowledged it at the time.

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