The Bastard Dory

Aguycalledbloke has created a game which I (foolishly perhaps) agreed to be a part of. The details are Here

Essentially the idea is to write fictional pieces and then have the credibility of those fictions judged by one’s peers. There is a 300 word limit on each bundle of lies.

The game, at this stage, is being tested . It’s a sort of pre-season match.

And the topic is as follows …

“I caught a fish … it was THIS big?!”

So …. here’s mine.

The Bastard Dory

On a surfing trip long, long ago I was emerging from the shore break and turned to see my girlfriend, her board no longer under her arm but floating behind her, wearing an expression that I still can’t quite put a name to. A mixture of bemusement and alarm might best describe it.

As she stood there I watched as she pulled the bottom of her bikini outward and stared down into the cavity that she had thus created between the fabric and her skin. I interpreted such an act as an invitation of sorts and so I moved back towards her only to see her own hand plunging downward.

“That would explain it,” she said, grinning as her hand emerged. I was beside her by then and I watched as she used both hands now to form a cup – opening them like a magician to reveal a stowaway – a tiny live fish flapping about in her fingers and beginning to regret its curiosity.

We studied the little creature for a while before returning him back to the ocean. And then he was gone in an instant.

We walked back to the house where we looked him up in a book. He was, in fact, an ‘enoplosus armatus’, also know as an ‘old wife’ or ‘bastard dory’. Considering the nature of his trespass I decided that the ‘bastard’ title was best suited to this particular individual.

And I wrote a little poem about it all in an attempt to impress her.

Today whilst swimming in the sea

A fishy made a meal of me

Arriving on frothy wave

He then began to misbehave

Being where he shouldn’t be

Seeing what he shouldn’t see

He made me shudder. Made me dance

When I caught the bastard in my pants.


I am supposed to ask this question …

Out of Ten, how believable do you think my story is? (0-10)

47 thoughts on “The Bastard Dory

  1. That is a gorgeous and well-illustrated story!! On the credibility scale, I’ll give it… an 8. You tell the story so well that I’m mostly convinced it really happened!! 😮

    Did you make it to the next round of the short story contest? I hope so!!

    Liked by 1 person

      1. I have just had a few post-surgical complications which may require a return to hospital this weekend … so it may be a challenge. I suppose that the easy availability of mind altering drugs could be handy though. I just have to stay awake, somehow.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Oh no! I’m sorry to hear that!! I hope you’re well!! And I’m in total agreement about writing while doped up. It often has delightful affects, especially if you get assigned comedy. Feel free to contact me this weekend if you need a beta reader or other help! I think being in the hospital would bite!!


      3. CongratZ!
        I don’t know what to think about entries and winnings. It often seems like the things I think are mediocre are received better than what I think is great. What is up with that?


    1. I give it a 7, but only because every girl/woman I know would be freaking out and probably screaming if a little fish found its way to where your bastard dory ended up. Your girlfriend was cool as a cucumber. Hmm. Perhaps using a cucumber is an ill-chosen simile.

      Liked by 2 people

    1. Thankyou for that. The story, as I have explained to Kate, is not, in fact, fictional. But it is only part of a much bigger story. And that story goes on and on … with funny bits and sad bits and bits that seem to be part of a dream on some nights and so very, very real on some mornings.
      It is not all good.
      It is not all bad.
      But it is us.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. lol how much did you pay the suckers above … I’d say a minus 7 at best … really pops you have the best imagination but it always seems to be below the belt line 🙂

    Good luck with the next round, best to write with those mind-altering drugs … we could get even more laughs … well written pops!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. You are so cruel, Kate. It was, in fact, a true story. I can’t remember the words of the poem exactly … the last line is a replica of the original, at least. And her words I have modified just a little bit … the originals were a little more graphic.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Thanks Kate. I doubt it. I feel like shit right at the moment and medical advise suggests that the feeling might not change too much in the near future. But I will live.

        Instead of hospital they have left me in the hands of my personal nurse (the girl in the bikini all those years ago) and sympathy is not her strong suit. I don’t think I’ll be writing anything worthy of future pride over the next few days … but they have given her some drugs to dispense ….so who knows?

        Liked by 1 person

      2. lol guess it depends on how much she might gain if she puts an end to all pain … guess it’s the only way to slow you down and keep your feet on the ground! Take care 🙂


      3. Ha ha! She has thought of homicide more than a few times, to be sure. But she is not one for calculated personal gain. It would be a crime of passion, and nothing less.


  3. aguycalledbloke

    Well Brutus, so far so good, a beginning score of 41, it’s a good job we are not including minus figures otherwise Kate would have taken you a peg! But 41 is a cracking score for a trial run 🙂

    I enjoyed the story, it’s credible, l say so, because l had a run in once with a flathead off the coast of Seaford, Victoria – slipper little sucker that he was 🙂


      1. aguycalledbloke

        Who was discounted? Your figure was a minus, l didn’t deduct anything, just didn’t include it – but it is a good bit of input, because the game is trialing so l look at all suggestions – so thanks 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      2. He recognised your score, Kate, for the vindictive personal attack that it was. But I know that I can rely on your well documented sense of fairness to overcome such emotionally charged hostilities in the future. Take a leaf out of your mother’s book. She has forgiven me, after all.

        Liked by 1 person

      1. aguycalledbloke

        Hey Brutus, yes it was not pleasant at all, and to make matters worse, l came up with a rash to boot because of the contact in such tender areas! Not a happy 11 year old l can tell you.

        Some friends l was with basically dumped the damn thing down the front of my shorts thinking it was funny when we were fishing.

        I wasn’t laughing!


  4. As I read the story, I thought it was complete fiction. But then, when I saw the rating, I knew it was actually going to be true. (Reading the comments has confirmed that.)

    Anyway, I was going to rate it at 3. While I understand it can happen, but others saying it was “completely” believable just makes me wonder.


  5. What a wonderful write! It’s delightful with flirty undertones. I give it a 10 out of 10 on believable given the added knowledge that you both went home and did the research on the fish. I really liked the post!:)


  6. Pingback: Spin The Keyboard Yarn – Summary – A Guy Called Bloke and K9 Doodlepip!

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