Upon being asked to Euthanise Another

OK. This might seem like randomly leaping into the deep end. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. But I was inspired by a little drawing I came across earlier and attached to a sample of my dreadful poetry.

So. Not completely random.

The original idea, by the way, can be found Here

Upon being asked to Euthanise Another

People live far too long. Some of them, anyway. So it is inevitable that this request will be put to you at some time or another and it is best to be prepared.

Believe it or not, the first expectation others have when putting the idea into your head is that you will attempt to talk them out of it. So, in the short term at least, try to keep your enthusiasm in check.

Likewise, with laws in most states still marooned in a superstitious and religious quagmire it is best not to openly advertise your services in this regard. Suggesting it to a loved one before they ask is also considered not de rigueur. It is always best to ensure that the other party really does want to give it a try before going ahead with the job. This can be achieved with a few probing questions.

“So, let me get this straight. You want me to kill you, right?”

“Yes please.”

“Righto, then.”

Time is of the essence. The safest option is to do it there and then. With any delay you can be assured that word will get around to other friends and relatives. And the last thing you want on the big day is a crowd. Because somewhere amongst the spectators might be someone not entirely in agreement with the plan. And that could spoil everything.

There are a million different methods by which you might usher a loved one into the hereafter. A quick internet search will reveal a surprising array of simple and inexpensive recipes to humanely bring things to a close. My only advice on the matter is not to be overly theatrical about the whole thing. If the coroner stumbles across a scene reminiscent of a medieval torture chamber there are bound to be questions. The sort of questions that might render your outpouring of grief at the subsequent funeral a trifle unconvincing.

Euthanasia is an act of love. You should always ensure that your selfless gesture is to be reciprocated. Insist on proof. Once you and Aunt Betty have settled on a date and an agreed termination technique it is time to ensure that all the required paperwork is up to date.

“You have a final will and testiment typed up, I assume, dearest relative?”

“Yes.”

“May I see it?”

Upon asking another to Euthanise you.

It is not the done thing to change your mind at the last minute. Screaming out to hospital staff as another is nervously poised over your bed with pillow in hand might be tremendously funny at the time but may not seem so to the one who has taken on this solemn task with the very best of intentions.

And, regardless of your sudden apparent change of circumstances and renewed lust for life, they are bound to go ahead with it anyway. At the first possible opportunity.

2 thoughts on “Upon being asked to Euthanise Another

  1. Priceless advice. I will bear all this in mind when the inevitable request is made.
    May I also suggest an extra nugget? Delete your browsing history after googling methods of killing, just in case 👌

    Like

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