My success rate in NYC Midnight writing competitions remains consistently poor. Just occasionally there is just a tiny blink of hope (or an error in judging) which propels me unexpectedly into a 2nd round. Such an occurrence transpired recently in the ‘Rhyming Story’ contest where my 1st round thing about some poor sap out on a space mission managed to qualify. If you are really, really bored, it’s here.

So the second round requirement was for a Romance dealing with the notion of ‘the grass is always greener on the other side’ and featuring an emotion of resentment. So it was an open invitation to continue with an exploration of male insecurity and feelings of inadequacy. It’s a subject I seem to know more about than I’d really like to admit …..

Anyway …..

The Day I Jumped The Fence

The grass is always greener when you’re on the other side, but to step on someone else’s patch – that takes a lot of hide. He watches as his lawn is cut, his something on the side, he takes offence, he leaps the fence, surrendering his pride.

 

I’d always loved the country life

The bugs, the birds and bees

The gentle mist of passing rain

The shade beneath the trees

The doves aloft upon the wind

The ducks upon the pond

No dreams outside my boundaries

Of pastures green beyond

 

I had my little harem

The farmer called me ‘Buck’

And the cows all called me ‘Darling’

Before they called me ‘Cuck’

When there’s just one bull to choose from

When there’s only one to test

One is forever youthful

Forever at one’s best

 

I had a special thing for Daisy

A Holstien, black and white

I chewed the cud with her all day

And lay with her at night

She was young and soft and gentle

Her moo, a joyous laugh

She gave my life it’s meaning

And I gave her life a calf

 

But then one bleak and bitter day

A chill ran through my soul

Rumours spoke of my decline

The whispers took their toll

Daisy tried to comfort me

She promised me a date

It was then that Old Macdonald

Let Black Angus through the gate

 

He was tall and dark and handsome

Two thousand pounds of bull

The heifers shyly looked away

But knew his loins were full

I tried to look away myself

I uttered not a word

As arrogantly he strutted

Examining the herd

 

When the cows were led to milking

Daisy caught his eye

He was leering at her udders

As she coyly passed him by

He brushed his flank against her

But let the others pass

I knew just what he’d come for

He was here to cut my grass

 

I tried to talk it over

“There’s plenty here to share!”

He dug a furrow in the clover

To show he didn’t care

The other cows encircled him

To offer him a ride

But he shunned their bovine pleasantries

Black Angus had his pride

 

Then he sidled up beside her

What he said I could not hear

But I could tell from her reaction

It was sweet nothings in her ear

Promises of something

Of calving yet to come

And when she turned her back to him

I knew my time was done

 

Just what it was she saw in him

Was there for all to see

Her interest wasn’t focused

On his personality

I lay beneath the stars that night

Heartbroken and forlorn

Would life have turned out different

If I’d had a bigger horn?

 

And thus I lay abandoned

Beneath our favourite trees

I saw his hoofprints in the mud

And heard her lowing in the breeze

I heard the cuckoos calling

Sounds of love upon the lea

And through the dark I answered back

A cuckold’s mournful plea

 

At dawn I rose, my spirits low

Seemed drawn towards the gate

I felt the weight of passing time

The heaviness of fate

With weary rump, one final jump

I leapt across the rail

In search of greener pasture

Between my legs, my tail

 

No-one saw me leaving

No-one seemed to care

Farming life continued

Even though I wasn’t there

I think of Daisy often

As I hope she’d understand

But now the grass tastes bitter

As I graze on open land

 

The grass is never greener

When you’re on the other side

The trees give little shelter

When you’ve run away to hide

You took your cue. ‘Twas her not you

You walk a beaten track

But you never stop remembering

And you can’t help looking back