More NYC Midnight writing failures. While I’m in the mood.

Here’s one that really did fail. It was for the ‘rhyming story’ competition and this was the penultimate round. The first 4 in each heat progressed to the final. I did not place in the first 4. They awarded me an ‘honourable mention’. I don’t even know what that really means. It’s a bit like a ‘good attendance’ award at the end of school.

Anyway. It had to be a romantic comedy featuring caffeine.

 

 

***

 

Plunging neckline. Party dress.

This girl is planning to impress

Painted toenails. Coiffured hair

Hints of silky underwear

So exciting, she can’t wait

And though it’s not her first blind-date

Who knows? If this guy’s not ‘the one’

At the least he might be lots of fun

 

 

Pre-romantic agitation

Jumbled mental preparation

Mind is racing. Head’s a mess

This guy is feeling full-on stress

Caffeine. Caffeine. Concentrate

And then some gin. To compensate

A skinful. For the caffeine fix

In throbbing veins. A toxic mix

 

This girl is sitting at the bar

 Eight-fifteen, he can’t be far

Delayed, perhaps, in passing showers

Delayed, perhaps, whilst buying flowers?

I wonder, will he bring a rose?

And whilst I’ve had a few of those

This girl can never have enough

Of pretty things. And other stuff

 

One more coffee. Can’t be late

I need to punch above my weight

Feeling neither up nor down

Nor in good shape to hit the town

Semi-conscious leaving home

No thought to brush the teeth, or comb

the hair. Or even press a shirt

I wonder if this girl will flirt?

 

 

Through the door, this guy injected

Perhaps not quite what she’d expected

Coming down the stairs he’s tripped

Oh my God! This guy is ripped!

Crazy hair, dishevelled dress

This guy is in a frightful mess

Eyes like saucers, legs unstable

This guy is heading for my table

 

Hello. A drink? A glass of wine?

No thanks. A water will be fine

Is that a joke? Just playful banter?

He’s reaching for the wine decanter

And whoops! Before he’s poured a sip

This guy has had a minor slip

Don’t be alarmed. There’s no distress

A tiny drop upon your dress

 

 

 

A tiny drop??? A major topple!

Overturned a half a bottle!

Soaked in wine from head to toe

How much worse could this thing go?

This guy’s become too much to handle

Now, what’s he doing with that candle?

Some bizarre attempt to please?

Beneath the table, on his knees?

 

Madam, let me shine a light

Upon your gown, which once was white

Yet still looks fine. Let me admire

And whoops! I’ve set the thing on fire

That’s quite a blaze, oh, deary me!

Alas, no time for modesty

Just whip it off. There’s no one staring

Well, no-one yet. And no point caring

 

What is this??? I’m almost nude

Before we’ve even ordered food.

And now there’s offers of first aid

And someone’s called the fire brigade

Run for it! Evacuate!

Save yourselves, ‘fore it’s too late!

So out the door the panic flows

With all but one still wearing clothes

 

 

 

 

A trifle awkward? What a sight!

At least it all turned out all right!

No-one killed. And no arrests

My girl! You’ve got fantastic breasts!

And though we started off unsteady

I feel I know you well already

Your place or mine? I’ll call a car

How do you like this guy, so far?