Jesus had a way, but give me Venus any day.

I was, as is habitual for me, discussing poetry with a friend recently, particularly in regard to bad poetry, of which there is an abundance (some even worse than mine). Being Easter, the conversation took a little diversion towards Christianity, and I was reminded of the song ‘Jesus is just Alright’, made famous by, amongst others, The Doobie Brothers.

The songs was written in the mid-sixties when being described as ‘just alright’ was quite a positive accolade rather than a more modern interpretation which might suggest being ‘barely OK’.

I can summarise the lyrics fairly simply. Essentially it goes like this ….

Jesus is just alright with me, Jesus is just alright. Jesus is just alright with me. Jesus is just alright. Oh, yeah.

These words should be repeated over and over again with increasing enthusiasm, particularly when it gets to the ‘oh, yeah’ part.

Whilst I don’t doubt the pious honestly of the author (Arthur Ried Reynolds, for the record) I do question the imaginative effort that went into the writing of it. Most of all I have trouble finding it to be a convincing and well thought out argument in favour of devoting one’s life to the worship of a questionably credible ancient mythical icon. But I may have missed the subtleties.

In homage to this enduring masterpiece I offer my own, hastily cobbled together, religious piece. Should this be my last ever post (God forbid!) then you will know that I have been struck down by lightning for my blasphemies on Easter Monday.

Hades he was hot.

He was King of all the Dead

But he had no sense of humour

Is the rumour I have read

Athena she was smart

But quite a tart at night in bed 

Though not as bad as Venus

Who loved a penis, it’s been said

And Aphrodite, God almighty!

She was a goer, that’s for sure

Luring lusty sailors

From the safety of the shore

Apollo used to follow her

To watch how she’d behave

Whilst Poseidon, he was hidin’

In his underwater cave

Thor was such a bore

But God! That god could drink!

He’d fall asleep and then he’d snore

So loud you couldn’t think

Jehovah he was quite a dude

Don’t use his name in vain

To do so is just fucking rude

What that means I can’t explain

Jesus was his only son

They strung him up in underwear

Crucifixion. That was not much fun

But he’s alright. Oh, yeah!

8 thoughts on “Jesus had a way, but give me Venus any day.

  1. Omg the lyrics of Jesus is just alright song. I guess songs can get away with bad lyrics because it has music to it. It’s not a written poem that must be read. Your poem was nice to read though. I didn’t like the F word in it but that’s just me. My favorite line: “Crucifixion. That was not much fun” haha an understatement

    Like

    1. Yes. Sorry. The word beginning with F, I know, doesn’t sit well with people, but if one is actually trying to be offensive it sort of belongs. And I’ve always found the use of dots (f.ck, sh.t etc) as ludicrous since anybody reading them then pronounces the word in their heads without the dots.

      Like

      1. Yes ludicrous and I totally agree. No point in the dots or other symbols like #$%@$

        Either use the full word, or replace it with another word, none of this half in half out attempt that alot of people do

        Like

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