My success rate in NYC Midnight writing competitions remains consistently poor. Just occasionally there is just a tiny blink of hope (or an error in judging) which propels me unexpectedly into a 2nd round. Such an occurrence transpired recently in the ‘Rhyming Story’ contest where my 1st round thing about some poor sap out on a space mission managed to qualify. If you are really, really bored, it’s here.
So the second round requirement was for a Romance dealing with the notion of ‘the grass is always greener on the other side’ and featuring an emotion of resentment. So it was an open invitation to continue with an exploration of male insecurity and feelings of inadequacy. It’s a subject I seem to know more about than I’d really like to admit …..
Anyway …..
The Day I Jumped The Fence
The grass is always greener when you’re on the other side, but to step on someone else’s patch – that takes a lot of hide. He watches as his lawn is cut, his something on the side, he takes offence, he leaps the fence, surrendering his pride.
I’d always loved the country life
The bugs, the birds and bees
The gentle mist of passing rain
The shade beneath the trees
The doves aloft upon the wind
The ducks upon the pond
No dreams outside my boundaries
Of pastures green beyond
I had my little harem
The farmer called me ‘Buck’
And the cows all called me ‘Darling’
Before they called me ‘Cuck’
When there’s just one bull to choose from
When there’s only one to test
One is forever youthful
Forever at one’s best
I had a special thing for Daisy
A Holstien, black and white
I chewed the cud with her all day
And lay with her at night
She was young and soft and gentle
Her moo, a joyous laugh
She gave my life it’s meaning
And I gave her life a calf
But then one bleak and bitter day
A chill ran through my soul
Rumours spoke of my decline
The whispers took their toll
Daisy tried to comfort me
She promised me a date
It was then that Old Macdonald
Let Black Angus through the gate
He was tall and dark and handsome
Two thousand pounds of bull
The heifers shyly looked away
But knew his loins were full
I tried to look away myself
I uttered not a word
As arrogantly he strutted
Examining the herd
When the cows were led to milking
Daisy caught his eye
He was leering at her udders
As she coyly passed him by
He brushed his flank against her
But let the others pass
I knew just what he’d come for
He was here to cut my grass
I tried to talk it over
“There’s plenty here to share!”
He dug a furrow in the clover
To show he didn’t care
The other cows encircled him
To offer him a ride
But he shunned their bovine pleasantries
Black Angus had his pride
Then he sidled up beside her
What he said I could not hear
But I could tell from her reaction
It was sweet nothings in her ear
Promises of something
Of calving yet to come
And when she turned her back to him
I knew my time was done
Just what it was she saw in him
Was there for all to see
Her interest wasn’t focused
On his personality
I lay beneath the stars that night
Heartbroken and forlorn
Would life have turned out different
If I’d had a bigger horn?
And thus I lay abandoned
Beneath our favourite trees
I saw his hoofprints in the mud
And heard her lowing in the breeze
I heard the cuckoos calling
Sounds of love upon the lea
And through the dark I answered back
A cuckold’s mournful plea
At dawn I rose, my spirits low
Seemed drawn towards the gate
I felt the weight of passing time
The heaviness of fate
With weary rump, one final jump
I leapt across the rail
In search of greener pasture
Between my legs, my tail
No-one saw me leaving
No-one seemed to care
Farming life continued
Even though I wasn’t there
I think of Daisy often
As I hope she’d understand
But now the grass tastes bitter
As I graze on open land
The grass is never greener
When you’re on the other side
The trees give little shelter
When you’ve run away to hide
You took your cue. ‘Twas her not you
You walk a beaten track
But you never stop remembering
And you can’t help looking back
Richmond Road 