Last year I competed in the NYC rhyming story competition. Or it may have been the year before. Either way, I was quickly eliminated from the contest, placing a not unfamiliar equal last in my heat.

This year, for reasons I find difficult to fathom, I entered again, and have confidence in producing a similar (probably identical) result.

The max word count was 500 requiring a sci-fi story related to ‘back to the drawing board’ and ‘infatuation‘. It is supposed to rhyme ……

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The Universe is out of Tune

 

She’s from Venus, he’s from Mars, between them though a billion stars. Love is pure and sweet, however, unlike space won’t last forever.

 

 

 

**Transcript from a deep-space mission

Recorded back to base transmission

From Major Tom and (name redacted –

her protestations since retracted)**

 

 

They’ve let me send this simple text

A month has passed, be Christmas next

You’ve transited the stratosphere

But have you left my atmosphere?

 

Star-date sixteen twenty-three

Here’s the latest news from me

I’ve gone past Pluto’s outer moon

I leave the solar system soon

 

Earth-date August twenty-five

Good to hear you’re still alive

Though left me weeping all alone

Waiting by the telephone

 

Darling though we’re far apart

The morse code of my beating heart

Sends messages of love and more

On star-date sixteen twenty-four

 

Text received December 10

It was sent I don’t know when

Nor do I know when you’ll be back

I fear your spaceship is off track

 

Star-date sixteen thirty-two

Yes, I fear that likewise too

The nav computer just can’t cope

I must resort to telescope

 

Earth-date sometime late at night

Tom, this isn’t feeling right

You’re out in space, you’re running late

There’s not much longer I can wait

 

Star-date sixteen forty-four

Can you wait a lightyear more?

‘Cause up here in the wild blue yonder

Distance makes the heart grow fonder

 

Earth-date April twenty-four

Remember George, the guy next door?

He dropped in for a game of cards

And sends to you his kind regards

 

George must envy my great fame

Though to me each star-date seems the same

There really isn’t much to do

But gaze at stars and dream of you

 

Earth-date … does it really matter?

Whilst we engage in private chatter

Tom, I have been dreaming too

And hoping that such dreams come true

 

Star-date sixteen thirty-one

This mission is no longer fun

My engine is about to blow

How I’ll fix it I don’t know

 

Earth-date April twenty-two

Don’t worry. I’ve got problems too

The television’s on the blink

And tomorrow it might rain, I think

 

Star-date – damn it, I’ve forgotten

Don’t think I’ve ever felt this rotten

My force-field’s failed, I’m in distress

I’m sending out an SOS

 

The date means nought to you and me

Let’s just skip formality

Can’t you see what really matters?

Tom, our marriage is in tatters

 

I’ve lost all track of any date

A tad concerned about my fate

I’ve by an asteroid been battered

Whilst earthly dreams are being shattered

 

Who cares about the frigging date?

It’s been too long for me to wait

I’m tired of feeling all forlorn

George came by to mow your lawn

 

George? That interfering fool!

Don’t let him near the swimming pool

While I’m dodging meteors

Stop entertaining crashing bores

 

Well, he drops in sometimes for a drink

He likes me in a way I think

That goes beyond a friendly chat

He touches me, does this and that

 

Don’t let that bastard near our bed

I sense a black hole up ahead

There’s trouble in my universe

Please don’t make things any worse

 

You’ve left a hole here unattended

George fills it for me (pun intended)

As you drift about your constellation

George has been my consolation

 

With George you trip the light fantastic?

Yet I remain enthusiastic

I’ll hurry back, just wait and see

Till then defy his gravity

 

Don’t hurry back on my accord

I’ve gone back to the drawing board

My happiness is paramount

I’ve emptied out your bank account

 

 

I see. So now that I am broke

You’ve hooked up with another bloke?

There seems no more that I can do

And yet my thoughts are still of you

 

Don’t give another thought to me

George is here. He fixed TV

And then he asked me for my hand

In marriage. Do you understand?

 

Yes, thank you for this little talk

I think I’ll take a little walk

In space. Where I can clear my head

To think about you , newlywed

 

George is with me face to face

I’m here on Earth, you’re lost in space

If MV squared still equals E

I’m lost to you, you’re lost to me

 

You are my life, my world, my dream

From space can you still hear my scream?

I will not hear, nor will I see

You in your distant galaxy

 

 

 

Radiation. Saturated

With you yet still infatuated

The ship’s a wreck. My life’s a bomb

Goodbye cruel world, from Major Tom

 

 

 

*** Thus ends all record of transmission

Do not reprint without permission

Here reproduced by courtesy

Of Harvard University***

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